


blurring colors (her reward, his smile, his smirk)

by treesramblings



Series: tree’s anti-soulmate kinktober 2020 [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel 3490, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Always A Woman Tony Stark, Betrayal, F/M, Female Tony Stark, HYDRA Trash Party, Hurt Tony Stark, Hydra (Marvel), Kidnapping, Marriage, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Parent Bucky Barnes, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Bucky Barnes, Possessive Steve Rogers, Power Dynamics, Protective Tony Stark, Rape, Sexism, Threesome - F/M/M, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unhealthy Relationships, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:41:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27018226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treesramblings/pseuds/treesramblings
Summary: There is an empty chair to the right of Steve at their wedding. “I’ll never want a best man that isn’t Bucky,” he had told Toni when she had asked who he was thinking of for the position. Toni hadn’t argued; she’d simply nodded, a small smile on her face, and that had been that. Rhodey stands to her right, clutching her hand tight whenever she feels the tears grow too overwhelming, and watches over her as she and Steve swear to love, to cherish, to protect until death do them part.ORSteve Rogers and Toni Stark are married, have two perfect children, and love each other through every trial and tribulation they face. Steve fights to bring home his best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the prison that is his own brain. Toni holds herself at his side, ever loyal, and waits for his return for their children's fifth birthday, hoping that Bucky is standing at his side.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Natasha Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Natasha Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: tree’s anti-soulmate kinktober 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958839
Comments: 16
Kudos: 63
Collections: Anti Soulmate Kinktober 2020





	blurring colors (her reward, his smile, his smirk)

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to [my bff temp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarxl180) for helping me beta this x all remaining mistakes are my own!
> 
> **PLEASE READ THE TAGS. Additional tags and warnings are in the end notes. They are spoilers, however. Pay attention to your triggers.**

_2010_

There is an empty chair to the right of Steve at their wedding. “I’ll never want a best man that isn’t Bucky,” he had told Toni when she had asked who he was thinking of for the position. Toni hadn’t argued; she’d simply nodded, a small smile on her face, and that had been that. Rhodey stands to her right, clutching her hand tight whenever she feels the tears grow too overwhelming, and watches over her as she and Steve swear to love, to cherish, to protect until death do them part.

Two years later, Steve is right there, holding her hand, as she gives birth to their twins, Peter Benjamin and Morgan Margaret. He’s attentive, taking advantage of his body’s lesser need for sleep, getting out of bed at three in the morning when Peter’s crying wakes up Morgan and she joins in. He’s vigilant beyond belief, always drawing a firm line between Avengers work interfering with their children, and Toni falls in love with him again and again and again.

He helps Toni teach them their letters, their numbers, and then proudly stands aside for Toni to take over when Morgan begins to babble in Italian and Peter responds in kind. He scoops their son up close when Peter first asks for an _úll_ , handing over the requested apple, unbridled joy apparent on his face at hearing Irish spoken by his son.

Toni watches in complete contentment as Steve plays with their children, even choosing to stay home with them sometimes when Iron Woman is needed, and love rushes through her veins. She’s not sure what she did to receive Steve Rogers as a reward, but Toni will forever be grateful.

When the twins turn four, a major SI R&D project is deleted from the servers. Toni _fumes_ , ranting and raving about incompetency and what horrible timing her techs have. Steve shushes her, holding her close in his arms, and kisses her forehead.

“It’s okay, love. I’ll take the twins out for the day. You figure out the issue and we can celebrate tomorrow.” He pats her hair, his hands soft, so soft, the callouses always healing, and Toni sighs, relaxing into his hold all at once.

“Okay,” she whispers. “Have fun, love.”

“We will. The kids will love what I have planned,” Steve says. Toni snorts, gazing up at him in happiness.

“They’re with their father. Of course they’ll love it.”

_2017_

The lights flicker above Toni’s head and she breathes in, finishing the last bit of arc welding and then turning off the arc melter, setting it aside carefully and standing up. Her eyes flicker over to the play area, protected by reinforced plexiglass, and she watches Morgan and Peter as they build a replica Death Star out of Legos, their morning gift to keep them occupied while Toni finishes working, and smiles as Peter helps correct Morgan whenever she struggles. Toni’s heart swells with pride and protectiveness.

Steve is running late from a mission to bring home the Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes, his best friend. Toni checks the time; he still has an hour until when he had promised to be home by. Toni can handle whatever is going on without him.

“J?” she whispers. “What’s with the flickering lights?”

JARVIS doesn’t respond right away and Toni’s panic skyrockets. She holds it all in, not wanting to scare her children, and instead taps her arc reactor, calling the suit over to her from the docking bay. Peter, who has his back to the wall and can see Toni, looks up and cocks his head.

“Mama? Why are you getting the suit?” His voice is still that high-pitched child tone, and Toni walks over, kneeling down and knocking on the plexiglass.

“We’re gonna play a game, darlings,” she says. She holds herself up, refusing to let her voice waver, and smiles. A mother must always be calm. “Hide-and-seek. Can you go into the quiet room and wait there for your papa or me? If papa finds you, he’ll say our secret phrase and you can let him in, okay? But only if he says the secret phrase!”

Peter’s gaze flicks over to Morgan, who is largely ignoring the two of them, but Toni can tell her attention is on her brother. Morgan has always been submissive to Peter, has always been willing to do activities if Peter is around, and Toni is grateful for that right now. “Okay, mama. Come on, Morg.”

Morgan stands up at his urging and grabs his hand, flicking her gaze up to Toni once. She's so _small_ , so much smaller than Peter, but her eyes are wide and big and beautiful, and Toni knows she'll be deadly when she's older. “Be safe, mama.”

Of course. Her children are too smart for their own good. Five-years-old today and they can already tell when something isn’t quite right. Toni blames Steve.

“Mama will be fine, baby,” she tells Morgan. “You just listen to your brother now, okay?”

They disappear into the panic room connected to their playroom and the door bolts shut behind them. Toni nods her head decisively just once and then the faceplate is dropping down, encasing her completely in the suit, and Toni walks out of the room, scanning what she can access with JARVIS unresponsive. She finds the issue in sub basement three and flies up the staircase there, opening the door cautiously and seeing only the red emergency lights pulsing.

She scans each room as she comes to them, slowly making her way to the main server room, and when she finally enters the room she holds a hand out, repulsor prepared to shoot at a moment’s notice, and Toni stops in her tracks.

“You could’ve knocked if you wanted to talk,” she says, voice flat, as she takes in the Winter Soldier.

“Didn’t want Stevie to come knockin’ me down ‘fore I was ready,” he says, Brooklyn drawl filled with sarcasm and nothing like the empty, Russian-tinted accent from her last encounter with him.

“I know how to keep a secret, Barnes.”

“Hmm,” Bucky agrees. “Well. Wanna talk, doll?”

“Don’t much think I want to talk here. Why don’t you tell me how you managed to turn off JARVIS?” she counters.

“Override codes were easy to gain access to,” he smirks. “You ain’t curious how I got inta the building and all tha way down ‘ere without bein’ seen?”

“Oh, I have a _bunch_ of questions for you, Barnes. Trust me.”

His face tightens up, the smirk falling off and being replaced with a blank look. “Well, doll, I’d rather not answer any down here. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“I already told you—” Toni begins, but Bucky holds up an arm and shoots at her before she can respond, an EMP fizzing out her systems, and then her helmet is being removed and he’s smirking over her.

“Let’s go, Iron Woman.” He salutes, and then knocks her out.

_2016_

Steve loves his family. Toni is beautiful, smart, and completely willing to listen to him and agree whenever he can sit her down and explain his thought process. The longer they’re married, the less time it takes for him to convince her of his point of view, and Steve loves her for opening up and trusting him to do what’s right.

Not that he doesn’t trust her or her opinions—Steve trusts Toni with his heart and his life. He trusts her with their beautiful children, with darling Morgan and precious Peter. He knows she would do absolutely anything to protect them. It’s part of what has helped him decide it’s time to help teach his children the way he needs to.

He takes the kids out on their fourth birthday, swinging them both up and down on his arms while they giggle and laugh happily.

“Okay, we’re going to visit one of papa’s old friends now, okay? You have to be gentle with him. He’s been through a lot,” he explains, his eyes more focused on Peter than Morgan. He already knows Peter is the one who decides things for the two of his children. If Peter wants something, Morgan will go along with it, no questions asked.

“But why can’t mama come?” he whines, an exaggerated pout on his lips.

“It’s a surprise for her, too, Peter. Do you think you can keep it quiet? Your mama is going to _love_ this surprise, but we can’t tell her yet. Can you do that? Peter? Morgan?”

Morgan is nodding not even a second after Peter is, following his lead, always following his lead. Steve smiles.

* * *

“But—HYDRA is Nazi,” Morgan says, licking at her strawberry ice cream cone. “And mama says Nazis are bad.”

Steve smiles, running a hand over her dark wavy hair. “Nazis are bad, yes, baby,” he indulges. “But HYDRA, we aren’t Nazis anymore. Mistakes were made when we first started growing, but we’ve fixed them now. That’s why papa had to fight them during the War. We know what we’re doing. We just want peace and order throughout the world now.”

Morgan stares at her ice cream in consternation. “Papa, I don’t get it.”

“Well, baby,” he starts, pulling her up into his lap. “Sometimes we have to ease kids into understanding ideas. You remember your preschool teacher, Miss Abby, teaching you about Christopher Columbus, the Native Americans, and the Pilgrims? She told you Columbus discovered America? And she told you the Pilgrims and Native Americans had a Thanksgiving dinner together? That isn’t true, baby. People teach kids that to ease the knowledge into them. It’s the same thing for HYDRA.”

“So mama—mama was lying to me?” Morgan asks. Steve’s heart swells at her beautiful face, so trusting, the perfect daughter for him.

“No, honey. She wasn’t lying; mama was just telling you what people think kids can handle. But you’re a big girl now, aren’t you? You can make papa proud.”

“Of course!” Morgan says, her toothy grin wide and her hair bouncing around her head as she nods enthusiastically. “I’m Captain America’s daughter! I can handle anything!”

Steve pets her hair again, pulling her into his chest. “Well, see, that’s another secret baby. I’m not Captain America. Not really.”

“Wait, but, papa, _everyone_ calls you that,” she says. Steve can feel a quick frustration growing in her and soothes her, shushing her and holding her close until she’s quiet in his lap again.

“Remember Mulan had to pretend to be a man to fight for what was right, because they weren’t ready to accept a woman could fight?” Steve whispers into her head. She nods against his chest, licking at her ice cream dejectedly. “I have to pretend to be someone else, too, baby, so I can protect the world. I’m undercover. Don’t worry, baby, my mission is almost done. I’ll be able to be who I really am soon, and I’ll make you proud.”

“But,” Morgan says after a moment, “if you’re not Captain America, who are you?”

Steve’s chest puffs up with pride. The movement jostles Morgan just enough that her ice cream tilts, almost falling off the cone, and Steve rights it just in time.

“Papa’s Captain HYDRA, baby. And Captain HYDRA is going to help save the world so it’s a good place for you and your brother when you grow up.”

_2017_

Steve enters Toni’s lab, eyeing the casual way everything is placed, and walks over to the kids’ play area, stepping over discarded Legos and stopping at the entrance to the panic room he and Toni had designed to protect their kids. He knocks on the door twice, then waits two seconds and knocks twice again. “Is Peter Pan in Neverland?” he asks. “Or is Morgan le Fay in Avalon?”

Twin giggles greet him as the door unlocks and his children rush out, running into his arms. “Ah, there are my mischievous magic twins!”

“Papa, papa, did we do okay?!” Peter asks excitedly, bouncing up and down.

“I did like you said, papa,” Morgan chirps. “Is mama’s surprise ready?”

Steve laughs joyously at the twins. “Yeah, it’s time. You two did so well for me! She doesn’t suspect anything.”

Peter and Morgan cheer, happiness bubbling over, and Steve’s heart is near to bursting at the love and affection he holds for the two of them.

“Now, Morgan, baby,” Steve says after a moment, grabbing her attention. “You’re so smart, honey. You can do anything you want, you know that, and you’re _my_ daughter, so that gives you rights to things other people aren’t allowed to do. But you’re better than them, okay? You’re in the right. You don’t have to listen to anyone you don’t want to. There are only three people I want you to listen to. Do you know who?”

Morgan bites her lip for a moment, and then stutters out, “You, papa, then Peter, then… mama?”

Steve kisses her cheek. “So close, baby, but we’re changing how it works today. Okay? You listen to daddy now. Mama isn’t going to be able to take care of you for a while. So it’s me, your daddy, then Peter, okay? Can you do that for me?”

Morgan nods her head. Steve adores that he’s her favorite parent. It makes it so much easier to raise her right and show her how to be a proper daughter and a proper woman as she ages.

Steve turns to Peter. “Now, Peter, you know you’re so intelligent, too. But your sister is also smart, and sometimes she’ll do things that aren’t good for her. No, Morgan,” he adds, cutting off Morgan’s protest, “it’s nothing bad. Peter just needs to protect you, okay?” She moodily nods. “Peter, you just have to protect her and keep her safe. Listen to her when she talks, take her advice, but remember you’re there to protect her. She won’t always see the big picture. It’s up to you to do that. Okay? You’re her last line of defense against the world.”

Peter nods his head in agreement. “Okay, papa. I can protect her! I can be a good big brother!”

“Good boy, Peter,” he praises fondly. “And you know who you listen to, right?”

“You and daddy!” Peter yells.

“That’s right, Peter. You’ll be a great man someday if you just listen to us.”

* * *

Toni comes to with a groan, instantly jerking against the straps holding her body down on a—a _medical table_. As soon as that thought processes, _kidnapped a-fucking-gain_ , she lets out an even louder groan.

“James Buchanan Barnes, I don’t care if you’re fucking mind controlled or not, I will make you pay for this!” she yells, frustration lacing every iota of her body. She looks down and the arc reactor is untampered with, thank god, but she’s in just her tank top and jeans from the workshop.

_‘Oh god, are Peter and Morgan okay? Is JARVIS back up? Did Steve find them?’_

Her mind runs through thought after thought, anxiety crawling up her throat and leaving her breathless. It’s almost too much, almost takes her over, but Toni holds back. She’s a mother, and she’s _Iron Woman_ , and she will get out of this and get back to her children, no matter what the cost. The Winter Soldier will not be happy once she gets her hands on him.

At that moment, he comes into the room she’s being held in, dressed down in a red Henley and tight jeans. Toni immediately hates the outfit; it shows off his body too well.

“The fuck, Barnes,” she growls.

Bucky grins at her, a mean smile, and walks over, stroking her bangs away from her face. Toni tries to bite his hand, but he grips her cheeks and _squeezes_ , holding her in place. “Naughty girl,” he tsks. “None’a that, now. I’ve heard you’re a good girl for Stevie. Must be, to make him settle down ‘n’ get married. And Stevie and me—well, we always had’ta share ev’rythin’, back before the War. And you two have been married seven years, haven’t you? And together for three years before that? Ten years you’ve been together and that he’s had you to himself. Think it’s ‘bout my turn.”

Toni panics, struggling against his hold and trying to find a way out. Her hand can just about reach his belt buckle, and if she just gets close enough she can—

“ _Naughty girl_ ,” he says again, slamming her hand down onto the cold table. Toni whimpers at the force, feeling her bones creak in her hand and wrist, and holds back traitorous tears. “Think I need ta make you more compliant. Boss said I might.”

“You can tell your boss to fuck themself up their ass,” she snarls. Bucky smirks, an odd quirk of his lips that leaves Toni feeling as if she’s missing out on a joke. “I’m not going to do anything.”

Bucky hums, seemingly ignoring her protest, and reaches toward a table just out of her sight.

“When Steve finds out what you’ve done to me, he’ll never forgive you,” Toni says, a last ditch effort before _whatever_ Bucky has in store.

“What makes you think he doesn’t already know?”

With that, he comes back with a gas mask, placing it over her mouth, holding her still until it’s properly attached, and then goes behind her sightline again. There’s a hissing sound and then clear gas is being pumped through the tubing, into the gas mask and into her lungs, filling her up and up until Toni _relaxes_ all at once.

“Good girl,” Bucky croons, and waits a few more moments before turning it off. “Let’s get ya out of these, now, hmm?”

Toni can’t speak, can’t move, and Bucky unbuckles her from the table, holding her up in his arms.

“Now that you’re calm, let’s show ya exactly why you’re gonna do what I say.”

They walk out of the room and Toni _jerks_ , because she knows intimately where they are, knows it like she knows the back of her hand or the color of Steve’s eyes or the cadence of her children’s cries.

“Hello, Master Barnes. Where shall you and the Miss be going?” JARVIS asks as soon as they enter the Tower’s elevator.

Visceral betrayal shoots down her neck. JARVIS is hers, is meant to protect the children first, then Steve, then her, and if he’s compromised and if Bucky has her in the Tower, then _where the fuck are her children_?

“To the children’s room, please, JARVIS.”

“Right away, Master Barnes.”

Toni’s insides shake with righteous fury, overcome with hatred and protective instincts that arch in her mind like a solar flare.

They get to the kid’s room and enter, and Bucky’s entire demeanor _shifts_ , smiling and open and happy, and Toni hates him just a bit more.

“Daddy!”

Toni’s blood turns to ice.

“Hey, kiddos! Have ya been havin’ fun?” he asks, holding her close but grinning, grinning, _fucking grinning_ at her children.

“We have!” Morgan nods. Peter adds, “Is mama still sick?”

“She is. She can’t talk right now, kiddo. Don’t worry, though, we’re gonna help her feel better soon.”

Toni wants to scream, to shout, to get her babies away from this _monster_ wearing her husband’s best friend’s face—

The door cracks behind them.

“Papa!” Morgan cries, running behind them and into Steve’s arms.

Toni feels tears burning behind her eyes but refuses to let them fall. Betrayal overtakes every pore in her body, every atom, every quark of her existence, as her husband picks up their daughter and spins her in the air and then kisses her cheek, letting her rest on his hip.

His outfit is black and red and _menacing_ , the star on his chest replaced with the horrible HYDRA insignia, and Toni’s heart shatters.

This isn’t her husband.

This isn’t the man she married.

“N—” she groans, trying to break through the gas, “No—”

“Oh, love,” Steve coos, turning to her and walking over, his smile soft and beautiful and every bit trustworthy that he’s always shown. “It’s okay. I know you’re confused. I know you’re sick. Bucky and I are going to help you. Don’t worry.”

“Do you like your surprise, mama?” Morgan asks shyly, peeking up through her long eyelashes at Toni.

Peter bounds over, grabbing her hand and tugging softly.

“Yeah, yeah! Papa told me that daddy was a surprise for you, mama, and I kept the secret for a whole year! Did I do good, mama?”

Toni swallows, her eyes never leaving her son, her baby, her _Peter_.

“Yeah, baby,” she whispers, holding in all her rage and fury and heartbroken tears. “You did well.”

* * *

“You see now, my love,” Steve says, running his hand down Toni’s arm where Bucky’s placed her lax body on their bed, their _wedding bed_ , the first place they had each other and the place where they conceived their children and where they used to hold each other close every night— “It’s time for you to know the truth. I wasn’t sure if you could handle it before, but our children are old enough and you’re devoted enough to know.”

“Who are you?” Toni croaks. “What did—You’re not my husband.”

“I am, doll,” Steve shushes. Behind his shoulder, Bucky stands at the door, his arms crossed over his chest. “I am more myself that I’ve been in a long time.”

“No, you’re not,” Toni denies. “You’re wearing a _fucking Nazi outfit_.”

“HYDRA isn’t Nazi,” Bucky joins in. “The Nazis were weak. Their leadership failed, rightfully so, and HYDRA branched off from them. HYDRA will succeed in world peace where everyone else has failed.” His lips twitch, the start of a smirk staved off, and nods to Steve. “Now that our leader is going public, we can do so much more than before.”

Toni feels herself growing numb, growing angry, growing sad, her emotions like a pong ball shooting back and forth across a television screen, and can’t accept the new reality that her husband is trying to force upon her.

“Don’t feel bad, love, for not knowing,” Steve reassures. “I made sure that you didn’t know. It was my whole job for years, after all. But HYDRA is _good_ now. We’re going to make sure the world is how it should be.”

“That,” she rasps, “That isn’t freedom. That’s fear. You’re not going to be any better than Pierce or the Red Skull.”

“The Red Skull started HYDRA on false grounds. He just wanted to get the organization up and running, and he needed backing. Unfortunately, only Hitler would give him that backing, and I fought with all my heart against him. It was the right decision. It wasn’t until I woke up and SHIELD told me what HYDRA had become, what Pierce and Zola and your father had changed it into, that I began to see the potential. Pierce was too weak to lead the organization, and I had to stop him, especially when he didn’t tell me Bucky was alive. You understand I couldn’t let him have Bucky, don’t you, love? Bucky is _mine_. Just like you’re mine, like Peter is, like Morgan. You’re all mine to protect. No one will keep any of you from me.”

“I think I hate you, Steve,” Toni says.

“That’s okay, love.” Steve’s smiling, always smiling, and Toni _hates_ it. “I’ll show you how to forgive me. I’ll show you how to love me and serve me again.”

Bucky suddenly shuffles forward, his hand reaching out for Toni’s collarbone. He traces it with a metal finger, his eyes dark and that mean smirk back on his face.

“Stevie,” he breathes, never letting his gaze fall from Toni’s.

Toni closes her eyes.

“You’re my good girl, Toni, doll, aren’t you? You always bend to my will. You know your place. I know it’s hard, when you’ve only ever had to listen to me, but Bucky’s going to be ahead of you now, too, okay? I’m on top, I’m always on top, but Bucky is next. He’s going to help me protect you. He’s going to be your husband, too.”

“No,” she whispers. “Steve, please.”

He hushes her. “You’re my good girl, Toni. It’s okay. A good mother to my children, a submissive wife, and a beautiful beggar. Bucky will help you beg just as beautifully. Can you do that for me?”

Toni shudders, holding her emotions back, thinking of her children, her beautiful babies who smiled and laughed at Bucky as he held her in his arms. She doesn’t trust Steve anymore with them, _can’t_ trust him, _won’t_ trust Bucky, and finally the tears escape her.

“I will kill you if you hurt my babies,” she sobs, ferocious despite the tears. “ _I will kill you_ , Steven Grant Rogers.”

Steve’s smile is placid, is meant to ease her, is the exact smile he’s always used whenever her anxiety has gotten too much for her to contain herself. She hates him, hates him for tainting every good memory she’s had for the past ten years of her life.

“Doll,” Bucky answers for Steve, his hand running down her collarbone to her sternum, down, taking her tank with it, pulling back for just a moment as a small blade pops out of his metal fingertip and slides through the material like butter, “Peter and Morgan are our children. We would never hurt them.”

“So you’re just going to rape me, then,” she states. “You’re just going to destroy the world and hide it behind pretty words and false smiles and tell my children that you’re doing the right thing, and all the while you’re going to rape me.”

And then, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, like he’s saying that the sky is blue because it reflects off the ocean or that all color in the world is subjective to the viewer, Steve says, “Honey, you’re my wife. You’re _our_ wife. It’s not possible for a husband to rape his wife.”

Toni trembles.

* * *

They start simple, removing her tank, kissing their way down her torso, reverently bussing the scars around her arc reactor, sliding off her bra and then unbuckling her jeans and pulling them off, her underwear following in scant moments. She still can’t move, can only talk, and Steve coaxes open her mouth, kissing her gently but with so much pressure, just the way she likes it, and when he pulls back he slides a pill into her mouth, tipping a bottle of water for her to swallow. Toni debates for all of three seconds about spitting it in his face, but she’s been on the receiving end of Steve’s patience for years now, and knows Steve will simply get another pill, and another, and keep doing it until she eventually gives in.

She accepts the water.

She swallows.

“Good girl,” he croons into her ear, biting the cartilage, and Toni can’t resist a shiver. “Bucky, can you get the lube?”

Bucky grunts from her chest, pulling his tongue away from her scars and reaching for their bedside table. Toni feels like she should be upset that he knows exactly where things are in her bedroom, but she’s in such shock and agonizing mental pain that she can’t muster the energy.

Is she even living anymore? Can experiencing so much betrayal and sadness that she just _floats_ in her body, experiencing but not feeling, be constituted as living?

 _’I’m significant!’_ her brain shouts.

 _’Screamed the dust speck,’_ her brain whispers.

Time passes and Toni focuses on the ceiling, covered in a painting of a random World War II autumn treeline, a project Steve had completed six years ago when Toni had been stuck in her workshop and he hadn’t been able to sleep. She stares, and she counts the different colors, trying to suss out how many shades of green Steve had used, how many yellows, browns, oranges, reds—and then the setting sun over the trees, a kaleidoscope of colors bursting into existence at the perfect angle over the horizon.

Bucky’s moan as he slides into her sounds like the faraway howl of a wolf, existing only at the edge of her awareness, an aspect of her environment that just _is_ —

She watches as the ceiling above her rocks, as the trees wave in an imaginary wind, and then as the colors begin to blur, falling away into a mishmash of primary colors as tears well up in her eyes and obscure her vision.

“You’re so perfect, Toni,” Steve whispers into her ear, “the perfect wife for Bucky and me.”

She _burns_ , burns so bright, and she can’t close her legs to soothe the ache. She holds onto Steve’s hands in hers, blinking rapidly until the ceiling comes back into focus.

There are twenty-three different shades of red in the trees. Another six exist in the setting sun.

Thirteen browns. Twenty yellow. Thirty oranges.

Seventy-two trees dot her ceiling.

Bucky bites on her neck, claiming and fucking into her as he comes.

She begins to count the branches.

Steve crawls down her, pulling her down and kissing her mouth, obstructing her view, and _Toni hates him, she hates him, hates him so fucking much she’ll kill him_ —

He moves out of her way and she looks at the branches, each drawn so precisely, each one a smooth curve of a paintbrush, the artist’s signature style unique and beautiful with each brush.

She floats.

“You’ll learn how to love again, doll,” Steve says. “You’ll see that what I’m doing is the right thing. I share everything with Bucky. But I swore an oath to you, to love, to cherish, and to protect, and I’ll do that everyday I’m alive. Don’t worry. Bucky will make the same vows to you soon.”

Toni closes herself up, closes off her emotions, and holds her rage and anger and loathing in a box locked deep within her.

“Whatever you say, babe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Additional Tags: Hydra Steve Rogers, Hydra Bucky Barnes, Subtle Sexism, Subtly Misogyny  
> Additional Warnings: Explicit Non-Con/Rape, Partner Sharing, Dissociation During Rape, Partner Betrayal
> 
> thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> if you're interested in more darkfic/angst/difficult subjects, come join me and some awesome people at the [SteveTony Darkfests Discord](https://discord.gg/X9xaRPT)!


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